Paint and the Gremlins

Mates Log 1.22.09

I painted today. I’ve been painting a fair amount lately. Today I decided to paint the bathroom, it’s not a huge bathroom but it’s a nice size, especially for a boat. I don’t really like painting, I’m not all that great at it and I usually end up with as much paint on myself as what I happen to be painting. I have been painting the deck of the boat and it has actually been going quite well, the paint stays on the deck and I walk away not looking like a paint bucket. Yesterday I mentioned to Carey that I felt I was getting better at this painting stuff and feeling more confident in my abilities.

In my confidence I decided to paint the bathroom. All was going well until half way through the project when the paint gremlins showed up. I’m not sure where they come from, and I have never actually seen one but I know they exist. I have also never been able to avoid the paint gremlins, but was hoping my luck had changed since the deck paint had been going so well. You know you have been attacked by the gremlins when you walk away from your painting project full of paint.

The gremlins started by splattering paint on me. I would turn around and there they were slapping paint on an arm or a hand or a neck. I would bend over and the next thing I know there would be paint on my pants. I had to duck to get into a tight spot and sure enough they put paint in my hair. Next they started attacking the woodwork trim so I knew things were going downhill fast. I was going to be doomed if I didn’t do something soon. I started to hurry, trying to get done before any more of these devious creatures showed up and the boat and I ended up in some real trouble!

I only had a little bit of painting left on the floor. I don’t understand how they do what they do but they are good at it. I was grateful that I was almost done; I back up to get more paint on my roller when all of a sudden the paint bucket shows up on my left foot! I am now left with having to stand on one foot while I finish my painting. I start to move things out of the way so I don’t get paint on anything else, since by now I am a walking paint tray. I’m hoping the paint gremlins have left so I can clean up my mess in peace. But noooo… they aren’t finished with me yet. Every time I move paint starts flying off of me and on to something else! This is now truly becoming a disaster. I don’t call Carey for help because no one wants to this watch this kind of madness.

I stop, drop and roll down the hull until I come to the two steps that go up to the salon. I am pretty sure I have now outsmarted these gremlins and they will leave me alone. I crawl up the steps to the galley. I discover that I also have paint on my one paintless foot, the only thing I thought was left on my body that was not full of paint. I surrender, I start yelling into the air that I don’t care how much paint they get on me, or anything else for that matter, go ahead paint away you beasts! Nothing happens… I have now taken the fun out of their game.

I put the foot that had landed in the bucket in the sink, my attempts with water and rag had turned out to be futile. My position is now left foot high up in the sink, bum half on the counter, and right foot hanging down, not quite reaching the foot pump on the floor that sits part way under the counter. I stretch as much as possible and those long toes that my sister always made fun of, come to my rescue. I can just barely pump water onto my foot so I am able to get the worst of the paint off. The next foot is much easier and I am once again standing on my own two feet.

I start the slow process of cleaning up the mess, which of course by now has spread to the galley. Carey walks in and I tell him to forget I ever said that I was getting better at this painting stuff… he takes one look at me and says “Maybe I’ll just have those leftover biscuits for lunch today.”